I am sure a lot could relate to this, as it is the normal stages of life: study, work and family.
At age 4, when you were clutching your parents’ hands as they accompany you to your first day of school, you are set aside by your mother and she said gently “ Behave, make friends and get good grades. Education is the only thing I can pass down to you that can never be stolen”. And you tried.
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” ― Anne Frank
At age 17, when you were looking at universities and ponder on what courses to take, your teachers would advise you to “Play to your strengths”. And then you realize you have no idea. You ended up choosing the practical advice from your parents or go with the same major of your close friend or when all things fail, the “in the demand now but will probably not anymore when you graduate” course.
“When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
At age 20, when you are wearing your toga and clinging to your diploma and your parents radiating with joy, your father whispered to your ear, “Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life.” And it finally dawned on you that the structured student life that had given you the purpose and direction are in all in the past. You are overwhelmed with so many life changing choices and you don’t know which road to choose because you have yet to become a self-aware adult. You realize that all your life, you have been carefully guided by your parents or your teachers. As an official adult, you feel like a leaf, being lazily blown by the wind with no direction at all and you succumb to post graduation depression.
“Don't you find it odd, that when you're a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you're older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”
― Ethan Hawke, The Hottest State
At age 21, after a year of working a job you never thought you will get because of the unbelievable corporate requirements of “will hire fresh graduates but must have five years working experience”, you feel grateful, but wonder if your hard work in getting that Cum Laude prestige was worth the effort or was just a fluke. And you dream of high salaries, a brand-new car and stepping up the company ladder.
Now at age 28, as you try not to be envious of your more successful peers and of the torrent proposals, weddings and gender reveal parties, you look back at all of your life’s decision and question “How did I become this way? How did I become stagnant and lonely?”
If you ask me right this moment, I will make the pandemic as an excuse. But I know, as my mother had reminded me that my current salary will not support myself without her pension and when will I get a boyfriend, the real problem lies within me.
I’m at the crossroads, with many doors, but I don’t know which to open. So, I procrastinate. Distracting myself with mundane things like Netflix and mobile games because I have the false sense of “forever” because apparently staying too much at home will drive you crazy even as an introvert. I make a list of excuses to limit my options.
There is no limit really, but why am I lost?
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