"When my wish would come true, I would be the happiest person alive." This is usually what we tell ourselves as we work hard to avail that trip to Boracay, or that expensive shoes, or that promotion. And then when we have it in our grasp, it turns out to be so underwhelming that you question yourself if you had just wasted your precious time fantasizing this moment when you could have placed your effort to something more worthwhile.
After a few months, I was assigned to the central office. It was such a pain there, since it was isolated from the rest of the company’s factories. You have to ride a shuttle to go anywhere, so if you have anything urgent you can just forget about it…well, unless you want to run or walk a mile or two with your paperwork.
I was in an office with two other supervisors, our department head and another manager from a different section. They had worked within the production side for many years and know the company’s protocols cover to cover. I felt relieved that the other supervisor (SE) was somebody I already knew, and we became comrades who waged war against the confusion of our job titles.
I had three new Training Specialists under my wing who were temporarily based in our office. Most were fresh graduates, loud and full of energy. They brought life to the office and I was grateful for that. I was unsure at first. I have never had anyone to coach before. Am I up to task? Can I teach these young minds? Do I have something I can offer them?
The first problem we encountered as a team was the printer. Gosh, you can really learn to appreciate something as simple as a printer when you have to beg for it from almost anybody who has one.
As the training office was considered “new” when I was transferred, we had to start from scratch. So, of course that included printers and there weren’t any extras from other factories. No office supplies, comfy chairs etc. We must put on a brave face and ask help from an adjoining department just to be able to function.
This is where I noticed that my manager has that personality (what do you call that someone who over promises and sugar coats everything just to impress? I need to research on that.). He had mentioned that we will start a new training program with just I think a few weeks to prepare.
And at first a I told myself “Maybe he was put under pressure, and that’s why he had agreed? I mean surely, he has seen the state of our office?” We had nothing. If we have to print something, we have to go to another office to have it done.
You’ll probably say now,” Wow, you’re really making a big deal out of a printer. You can just go paperless”. Well, unless our company can provide computers, or I don’t know give tablets to each of our trainees then that would be fine (majority of our employees are sewers, who have no use for computers at work). In order to have a comprehensive training program, you must of course have training materials ready to supplement the learning needs of your trainees. Aside from getting an expert speaker, you must have slides/PowerPoint Presentations (is a flip chart still a thing?), modules and most importantly the handouts and pre-post examinations to evaluate if your training objectives are met.
Thus, the need to have a printer.
I still don’t know the answer to my question above. But we had to make the best out of it, or it will be mortifying if couldn’t pull it off. It was our very first project, we had to make it work in a short amount of time.
I had to give props to my young subordinates. As we still have colleagues who remained with their previous offices, we were able to ask help to print our training materials. My poor specialists would have to carry boxes of printed manuals to and from different buildings and do overtimes just to finish everything. I on the other hand had to prepare something different. I was assigned to be one of the trainers. I couldn’t complain as this is what I asked for. I love to train. Maybe I got this from my mom, who was a teacher. However, I prefer to teach professionals than kids as I don’t have the patience.
Everything was set, the venue, the food, the materials and me. It had gone…okay. There were a few minor setbacks (there are no such things as perfect) but we finished the week with a pass. A few more weeks to go but thank God I was done with my part. What was left were the technical topics and to visit occasionally. That’s it, I can focus on other things. A sigh of relief.
I’m not sure how to proceed with the next part. I don’t know where to begin, but I really want to include this here. I guess I’ll start with addressing on the rumor I mentioned in Part 1. Where the higher ups didn’t wish to have my manager continue working with the company.
Our Department Manager (DM), the direct boss of my manager (MM), to what I have heard, doesn’t see eye to eye with the latter’s ideas. She has been with the company for many years; however, her expertise does not lie on training and it’s a bit difficult to let her see how we see things as a Learning and Development Department.
I have shared that I was in awe with my manager’s fresh proposals. I really want them to come true, to put into reality. Our Department Manager has different ideas and I heard that they, MM and DM had argued. I don’t know how many times but enough to have a rumor spread. This other manager (OM) who is stationed with us in the training office became one of my friends. She was my college professor and a real chatterbox.
I remembered when she told me the story of MM and DM’s argument. Turns out, she was with them during the incident. She mentioned that she and MM was giving a presentation for the new projects for their respective departments. DM did not favor MM’s proposals and they had…words. OM added that she knew MM had great ideas and was a great man. She said she took MM’s side and even defended him against DM. She then continued saying DM was a terrible woman who will not listen to suggestions other than her own and that the latter had high opinions and will never understand training aspect of the organization as she never had the experience.
Now that I think about it, a year later. I shouldn’t have added my bad opinions about DM to OM. Although OM was my friend, it’s still not a professional behavior in talking behind your superior's back, especially if you are in company with a questionable character.
It was a childish behavior and I later paid dearly for it.
I guess I was caught in the moment… Our office was in shambles, I wasn’t happy with our team’s direction and my respect for MM is dwindling by the day. I wasn’t a happy camper, period.
I have cried in the office a couple of times. Don’t lie, I know you have done it too! But I’m a big crier in general. I even cry after watching commercials for insurance even if I had already watched them a couple of times. But...
I had never cried due to being insulted by a manager.
We had a training program to one of our factories a few miles away and I was asked by MM to save our slide presentation to his external hard drive a day before. The next day as I was checking my files, I realized that instead of “copy” I had “cut” the documents to MM’s hard drive which means we no longer have a copy in our main files. MM was already in the venue and I wasn’t sure if the training had already started, and I decided to text him. I told him not delete the files he instructed me to save and explained to him politely what happened. I couldn’t really remember his text word for word. I checked my phone hoping to see if I saved our conversation, but I guess I was too hurt and deleted them. As I can recall, he replied with: “Girl, I smell something fishy. Are you trying to sabotage me?”. I think it took me several minutes of re-reading his reply to process. WHAT?! SABOTAGE?! Where did he get this absurd idea? I have never, in my five years working have ever been spoken to like that. It was a small mistake that could easily be solved. That’s why I texted him ahead of time to prevent him from deleting the files. Plus, I can easily redo it if the worst happens. It will take time, but not impossible.
Trying to keep my cool and hurriedly went to the ladies’ room and burst into tears. Haven’t I done my 1000% best to for this team? For HIS team? Haven’t I sacrificed enough of my time, energy, patience and even my pride for this department? I’m sounding whinny here I know, but writing this part made me relieve the pain, confusion, anger and the regret I felt from his reply.
After the pain came the anger.
I burst back to the office, finding one of my co-supervisor (JT) and a subordinate. With tears in my eyes, I angrily told them what happened. The comfort I sought from them was not there, especially from JT. From his eyes, I can see that he is thinking that I’m being childish, and my tears are just based on petty things. MM tried to call me after shift, but I didn’t answer. I didn’t care if he’ll think I’m insolent. I went home with a heavy and fuming heart.
The day after, MM came to talk to me. He said he was only joking and forgot to text me. I told him that as he was my superior, his words would really affect me and I wasn’t expecting anybody, especially my manager to say that to me even as a joke. Sabotage, which means deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something) , especially for political or military advantage (lexo.com).
Sabotage is such a harsh word that should never be spoken lightly, more so if you text it to someone with no explanation.
Again, I might sound petty to you, but I didn’t feel any sincerity from him, but I told him that hopefully next time he would be careful with his words and I let it be.
DM was finally back from her long leave of absence. Her husband had been ill but was finally doing fine and back at home. We said goodbye to our freedom and now basically on our tippy toes inside the office
I couldn’t remember well where it all started. OM and DM became close. They often ask for each other’s advices, share ideas, especially on religion and basically are in good terms. I then noticed that OM had been frequently absent. I didn’t mind it much as I believe DM was okay about it. At one point, OM asked permission to be absent on a said date, but DM did not agree because of this and that. The date came and OM was absent, even after she was told not to. When she came back to the office, she and DM had talked in private. At lunch time, OM was fuming and shared with us what happened. She was of course scolded by DM for disobeying her direct instructions. OM countered that she was absent because of her daughter (she was a single mother) and choosing between work and her family, of course she would choose the latter. She added that she was rarely absent (Umm, are you sure about that? I didn’t say anything though.) and haven’t she done an excellent job with her tasks? Doesn’t she deserve to have time for her daughter? As her friend, I empathized and was indignant for her. My mother was a single mom too, and somehow, I knew how hard it was to only have one parent. OM proceeded in telling us that she told DM that she wouldn’t understand her situation because DM doesn’t care about the employees under her care (she did have a not so good reputation in the production area). She also accused of DM for not listening to the needs and suggestions of her people and that DM thinks of herself as high and mighty. OM recalled how she defended MM against DM, making her point of DM not wanting others succeed because she stomps out other people’s good suggestion if it didn’t suit her unimaginative ideals even if it benefitted a lot of people. OM said that she even told DM that it was DM’s fault why her husband (DM’s) keeps on getting ill because of her negativity and bad attitude. The last part I thought was an overboarbut made a non-distinct noise as my reply that satisfied her. JT was with us during the whole exchange and as a fellow chatterbox (a gossiper too) and someone who has worked for the company longer, he was able to match OM’s bad-mouthing DM.
I have already had a biased opinion of DM as I have asked my previous teammates about her when I came to visit. The only good point I could remember them telling me that DM was generous with food. Hearing this from OM, painted DM as a selfish and prideful monster in my mind.
It was only about two days after OM and DM’s conflict when MM had assigned my team a new task that forced them to do over time. As their supervisor, I felt responsible to stay and help, and of course feed them dinner. We thought DM went home and was disappointed when she came back. We sat and did our work quietly. DM then asked me how our latest training program was, still in my seat and not looking at her (My friend and fellow supervisor’s [SE] table was right in front of DM’s but since she wasn’t there to block the view my table, DM had no problem seeing me), I answered that the training was doing well. DM then asked why I wasn’t there anymore to facilitate the training. I easily had an answer to that. I told her we, my team and I, had lots of training materials to prepare both for the current training program and the new one that MM has assigned to us. Anyway, JM’s team is competent to facilitate and if I had free time, I usually went to visit. Here, things started to heat up and I think raised my voice a little. Remembering it all, I didn’t even know why because so far, my relationship with DM has been civil. She even told me that she was happy that I was part of the team and I was doing my job well.
DM proceeded in telling me that I wasn’t doing enough, that I should be there (current training program) all the time. This made me really, really irritated. I didn’t say anything, but I know for the fact that my subordinates knew that I was angry. Gosh, another one who does appreciate my efforts. How I regretted my decision in being where I am now.
I ended the conversation with my silence.
End of Part 2
Click me for Part 1
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