“See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.” Exodus 23: 20
My cousin Jeffrey had died of cardiac arrest at the age of forty-eight a week prior to this post. To set things straight, no it wasn’t because of Covid19.
My cousin was an OFW in Abu Dhabi for almost ten years. He met his wife there, had two kids and had a relatively good future set out for him. Then last year, I found out from my mother that he had contacted her in FB messenger, in a not so coherent words, that he had undergone surgery for a brain tumor.
We thought that everything went well after the operation. He only stayed in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then returned to his job. Then everything felt like someone was pressing fast forward…
It turns out that he didn’t have just a brain tumor, but a very rare tumor (1 out of 1 million can get this type of cancer). Due to his operation, his speech, memory and motor skills were greatly affected. So, I questioned my mom, why did he keep on working? Why didn’t he return home and let his family take care of him (his family, his wife & children came back to our home country due to visa problems)? My mother answered that he had to continue to work so that the company can shoulder his medical expenses.
How sad is that? He was dying and he had to work?! And his family couldn’t do anything about it, I couldn’t do anything about it, because we are striving to get by too. He had to work through the pain and loneliness.
He went back to the country after a couple of months to stay in the hometown of his wife with their children. His sister, Violet told us that it was a miracle that he was still alive after so long. All he wanted now is to go back to his birthplace and from what I have heard, it had been a difficult journey. It was a good thing that the quarantine in our province was yet to be enforced or they would have been stuck in a city two hours away with little budget. His wife, who decided to try again her luck abroad, and children had to stay behind.
I was guilty of not visiting him when he was still alive, but I thought then that anyway, he wouldn’t recognize me as his memories began to deteriorate so badly (he began acting like a toddler) so what’s the point? Enhanced Community Quarantine was also strictly followed by the time he arrived. However, writing this post made me realize that I was just making an excuse and now I wonder was there anything I could have done for him?
Repentance is always in late
On Friday noon, his second sister, Des, asked if they could borrow our blood pressure/heart rate monitor and we thought nothing of it at first. Then after a while, both she and Violet came to our house and informed us that they couldn’t feel Jeffrey’s pulse. Both my mom and I stood dumbstruck. How can that be? When I was outside that morning, I saw him sitting on their front porch. Des explained that around 10AM, she heard Jeffrey gave a loud groaning noise as if he was in so much pain. She came out to check on him and found him slipping off his chair. She yelled for her daughter to help him down the floor. He wasn’t able to get back up that and when they tried to open an eyelid, it was all white.
They called our local private hospital and were told that if they want to place their brother in the ICU, they will have to refer them to the next city as they were already full of PUM’s (Person Under Monitoring). The next city was two hours away…It was two hours we are not willing to waste.
First Plight: Adequate Help. I noticed when you are sick during (worst if you need emergency help) a pandemic in a third world country the unpreparedness of our health care industry. I’m not giving hate, I know those working in the Frontlines deserves our respect and appreciation, but it doesn’t help to hide the fact that we lack resources and good decision makers. This conversation often leads back to our government. Honestly speaking, I rarely have any complains against our Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte. He doesn’t have a censorship of words, most of the time and doesn’t even try to work with Vice President Leni Robredo even at this time of crisis, but one thing is for sure, he is a doer. It’s not him I find myself judging, it’s lower down in the government hierarchy. The president, can approve billions of money but not all can receive it. The most obvious reason would be, “Oh the governors, mayors, and even lower down the ladder are corrupt, etc.” Corruption does play a role and when you are running a country, it is difficult in tracking who receives what. Then how do we address this? We need more DISCIPLINE which means firmer policies and in turn means a new form of government. Filipinos are, both our strength and weakness, frequently ruled by our emotions. Our decisions are often clouded by misplaced sympathy and, as the way things are now, extreme distrust, especially in our government, which at times proven to be right. The type of government we have for so many years (Democratic and Republican State) is no longer effective.
We need change
However, we can’t put all the blame on our government, we the citizens must take responsibility too. From the local news I’ve heard of people wasting their Amelioration, which was given generously by our government, and using it in gambling. Others had to go without it and yet others had the audacity to throw it down the drain. No wonder hard working people are grumbling that they should have stopped working and paying taxes because they aren’t able to benefit it in times of need, which is now.
We are feeding the worthless in the society
I both agree and disagree. There are always two sides of a coin. There are people who really need the money the most and others who are lounging in bed with mouths open waiting to be fed (the “Tambay”).
Going back to my story, we are lucky that we have an aunt who was a nurse. We phoned her and she pulled some strings for us. In under an hour Jeffrey was taken to the city public hospital accompanied by Violet and Des’s daughter, Jess. We were then informed that, with our permission, they will drill a hole in his throat to help him breathe. They had also advised us to bring him to the next city since we didn’t have a Neurologist in town.
The Second Plight: Decisions. If they go to the next city, which already have seven positive Covid19 patients reported, it will be difficult to move around and if, God forbid, Jeffrey died there, it will be 10x more difficult. Most of the family, particularly my mom was against it. For one, there wasn’t a big chance that if they do attach the breathing apparatus, my cousin will recover and let alone wake up from coma. The only assurance is that the “machine” will breathe for him and if he does wake, he’ll only be like a vegetable. “Is that a life he wants to live? To be a burden on his family and to suffer continuously? Let him go. “My mother said. Later, my mom added if when the time comes when it’s her turn, she wants me to do the same. To let her go. (I’m tearing up as I type this.) Easier said than done and I don’t want to think about it yet.
It was my cousin’s wife's decision that matters the most and she wants to keep fighting, but sadly it was too late. Jeffrey returned home to heaven on April 18,2020.
Third plight: The After- Death Preparations. Processing the paper works, the casket, the burial ground, etc. Living in a third world country, middle class family, heck, even the upper middle class, don’t own any transportation (yes, not even bicycles). Thus, even when the government has graciously provided us with free ride, they only go from point A (town hall) to point B (public market) and that’s it! What if you have to go to points C, D, and E? Simple, work that booty and WALK! Violet and Jess shared with me of their struggles to get everything prepared. They had to walk for miles under the heat of the summer sun and be disappointed several times when certain stores were closed. Flowers are non-existent, as no suppliers could get through the borders. But the positive side though, people took pity on them and have tried to help by pointing alternative stores.
Fourth plight: Funeral wake. Filipino tradition requires to have 3-7days of ‘lamay’ (wake) for the dead. Every night should be spent in prayers and family members must take turns to stay up through the night. On the funeral day, we go to church for a mass and the priest will give his final blessings. Now of course, we can’t do that for safety purposes. We were told to bury our dead directly. We had to ask permission to have at least 3 days of mourning. We were allowed only if we keep the wake at home and have no outside visitors.
Fifth Plight: Saying Goodbye. The saddest part of this journey is that Jeffrey’s wife and two sons could not come to say their last goodbyes. Their city was under strict lockdown and they had to rely on technology to see his final resting place. Other family members could not come as well. There were only a handful of us who was there to close the casket.
Death is inevitable.
Seeing posts in social media about how bored to death people makes me feel kind of insulted. Yes, we are limited to stay at home, but is there really nothing we can do to be productive and to check off a few things on our bucket list? Time is too short to make this pandemic as an excuse. Read that book you want to read for so long! Write that blog you keep on delaying! Move and be productive!
And as for Jeffrey, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you at all. Writing this post made me realize so many things. I will continue to pray for you. I know our preparations for your wake wasn’t as organized and as traditional as you have hoped, but God surely has prepared a wonderful welcome for you in Heaven.
Comments