Hello to my non-existent readers. It’s been a while. No, it’s not just because of procrastination, why I haven’t been posting. I had a busy month because of work (Yes, as in work where you have to go to the office and wear a uniform). I will be finalizing the end of the Jane Eyre (finally!) hopefully by next week, so I hope you can stay toned on that. (Maybe I’ll change my mind mid-week I don’t know, but I promise a post. Pinky swear!)
This will be a quick article about love, heartache and letting go...
I’m not really sure I’m the best person to be sought out with love advice, it’s pros and cons and all, as I am a NBSB (no-boyfriend-since-birth) type of girl.
At work, especially for the newly hired engineers who had gone the 6 months cadet training program offered by the company, most of them considered me as a mother figure, er-big sister. I became close to a former cadet engineer, let’s call him Andrew, and we have been keeping in touch even when he was assigned to another location (we have 3 sites). Just the other day, he reached out to me via chat and told me that his friend, another former cadet (“Philip”), had his heart broken by his girlfriend (yes, another cadet). The girl, “Marie”, decided to end their supposed to be a one-year relationship on their anniversary day (Yes, I know. That’s totally sucky of her). At first i a was a bit shock on why he was telling me this, but also a bit pleased that he had such great trust in our friendship and valued my advice.
I asked him a few details, like does he know the reason why Marie called it quits? He answered no. Andrew then said to me that it was “unfair”, and I asked, “Why is it unfair?”
I knew he was a deep thinker from previous conversations and his question got me saying “Wait a minute, let me think about it.” Andrew asked me this:
“Why is that the people you love hurt you the most?”
🤯 Andrew, how old are you again and how are you asking me this type of question? Honestly speaking, I had helped in forming my answer to this (Thank you Richard). This was my answer to Andrew:
“The people you value the most are your strength and yes, your weakness too. “
The more you give your heart, the more vulnerable you are because you are risking your whole being. Your dreams, hopes, and happiness are intertwined to another person. That’s why love is a double edged sword and that’s also why some people (like me) are afraid to love because we know that loving someone comes with a price and it’s something we are not sure we are ready to pay. Andrew then asked another question:
“Then why do they hurt us? Didn’t they love us?”
Andrew why are you making my life so difficult? No, I didn’t say that to him (Hehehe). I answered;
“Everyone has their reasons. And sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. God has other plans and the more you hold on, the more that person becomes unhappy.”
Not every goodbye is because of a third party or a cause of scandal or drama. Marie may just have good reasons why she decided to end it with Philip. Maybe she just fell out of love, or she needed to end the relationship because she’s simply not ready. Maybe she needed to be on her own to have time to reflect, to rediscover herself or to rethink what she wants in life. We don't have the right to judge because we are not in her shoes. Andrew’s final question was :
“How do I comfort the brokenhearted?”
I told Andrew:
“ As a friend, all you can do for now is to be there for Philip because I’m sure he’s still in the “Denial” stage, so even how hard you’ll try to comfort him, it will be a useless effort because Philip isn’t ready to be comforted yet. He needs to feel the emotions his heart is bursting with; the confusion, regret, anger, doubt and most of all pain. “
Andrew didn’t ask me the question I was expecting him to ask so I’ll end this post, by asking it to you dear readers.
“How do you move on?”
As for me, I remember what a friend had said (Thanks again Richard. I should probably market you as a Love Guru one of these days.) It was along the same lines as:
“The only way you can find love again is to move on, because how can God send you the right one when your heart is already full with the wrong one?”
You will heal, only if you chose to be healed and it will take time. It might take months, years, but we are not created to be alone. Love comes from so many different shapes and sizes. There are so many ways to love and to be loved and sometimes we just have to open our eyes to find it and to experience pain to appreciate it more.
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