I recently met Jon just this year. He suddenly sent a chat message out of the blue. We started with the usual hi’s and hello’s. I found out that he worked in construction and at some point, we both worked in the same big city two years ago. He wasn’t able to go back due to the pandemic. To generate income, he would take small projects here and there. He talked about how his sister died recently due to leukemia and it almost cost him all his life savings. I was a bit impressed on knowing he didn’t care about the money as long as he could help his sister. He shared that his family raised animals and I jokingly told him to bring a cow (We nicknamed him “the cow” in conversations, not really fitting since he was such an alpha male.) instead of the usual flowers and chocolates when we finally meet on a date. He said that I was fun to talk to and he was comfortable in sharing his thoughts with me.
The Red Flags
A Degrader
I talked about my job as a Training Coordinator and how I love the company I’m currently working with. One night, I came home from work tired, and I told him so. He commented that I shouldn’t be since I’m only sitting in an air-conditioned office all day while he is working under the sun. Um, okay? I explained to him that every job at one point can be tiring regardless of what it is. So, what if I’m sitting down all day? That doesn’t mean I’m doing nothing. Some job requires physical abilities and others mental skills. Can you not be tired if your job involves the later?
He agreed with my explanation and told me “If-ever-we-end-up-together”, he will no longer let me work and I’ll just be a stay-at-home wife. I replied, no thanks. I’m used to working and it’s the freaking 21st century.
Women can be a good wife and mother but still have a successful career.
I’m not saying that I can’t change my mind if the situation calls for me staying at home but saying this to someone very early on, without knowing the other person’s morals and personality can really be a deal breaker.
I also told him of my plans to work abroad. He mentioned that back then, he was supposed to be going to another country and was about to take the final stages, but his mother begged him to stay so he decided not to push through with it. I thought it was sweet of him to stay and take care of his elderly parents, but he ended up saying weird things again. He said that “If-ever-we-end-up-together”, I don’t need to go to abroad since he will be the one to go. Huh? Who are you to tell me what to do? We only met a few days ago and now you are planning my future? Do girls usually fall for this? The I’m-the-man-and-your-a-helpless-woman-so-just-stay-at-home-and-raise-the-brood he-man syndrome? This irked me and I told him:
Me: “I think I have the right to explore. I want to go not because I needed the money (I just wanted to flex here, but I DO need the money!), but I want to test myself on how far I can endure. Since I was a child, I’ve been so sheltered, and I think it’s time for me to discover things and be independent. “
He backed off and ended the conversation with “ Alright, then will just meet in whichever country.”
I noticed that he kept bringing up the “going abroad” thing which began to bother me. We would be talking about unrelated topics like for example what we ate the previous meal and he would then say something like “ When you’ll be in abroad, I’ll be missing you so much” or “Good luck when you go abroad” and even “You’ll be very tired once you work abroad”; over and over again 😵. It became so annoying and I asked him:
Me: “I’m confused, why do keep mentioning about me going to abroad?”
Him: “Oh, nothing. It’s what you want to do right? I don’t know I just feel so comfortable talking to you.”
Me: “ Yes, that’s what I’m planning, but why keep mentioning it with every conversation we have? And why are you already predicting what might happen to me?”
Him: “It’s just that I was really bothered when told me your plans in leaving the country. That’s all…”
Umm…Okay….
Coward Cupid
We talked about past relationships, and he told me about this woman (let’s call her Jane) he dated and they ended up living together. He later found out that Jane was married and had a son. Jane left her husband because he was abusive (leaving her son with the husband) and later her husband had likewise found another partner. A few years passed, the husband wanted Jane back and threatened to sue both her and Jon. Jon also learned that Jane had heart problems. He told Jane to go home because he was afraid of being imprisoned and if something might happen to Jane while staying with him (like heart attacks). He told her that there will be no future for them since the husband will continue to aggravate them. The only redeeming thing I found in the story is that Jon did say that he supported her medication for a while but had since stopped.
Now my question to you dear readers, have you spot all the different wrongness of this story? Here’s a list:
1.Why did Jon have a serious relationship (even living in together) without knowing the full history of Jane? I also want to point out that how could Jane leave her son with her abusive husband? I think it was selfish of her but maybe he was only abusive to her not their son? I will take it back if that’s true.
2.If he truly loved Jane, shouldn’t he have fought for her, and screw being sued? He knows that the husband was abusive could that not be useful in court if Jane file for divorce? The husband has had another women, which can be another point against him.
“I love you” means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough to not let go. - Deanne Laura Gilbert
3.Speaking of abusive, WHY DID HE LET HER GO BACK TO AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?! If he didn’t want to continue the relationship, he shouldn’t have told her to go back to a husband that had physically and emotionally abused her! Jane can be independent, she can take her son back and maybe find another man that truly love her since I can feel both her husband AND JON doesn’t.
At this point I become weary about Jon, but the story did not end here I’m afraid.
The Late Bird
When we were deciding to finally meet, I noticed that we have different taste. I was more like a semi-sophisticated taste and I suggested to meet in a cafe. He said that he was not into that type of places, so I compromised and agreed to meet at McDonald’s (Romantic 😑?). But I told myself at least it’s relatively safe since there would be a lot of people.
A few days later he suddenly changed his mind and said that because he was serious with me, instead of meeting outside, he would like to come to my house. In our country, one of our old traditions in courtship is that the man would go to the house of the lady he likes and ask permission from her parents to court her. Honestly, at first my cousin Pinky (aka my partner in crime) and I were thrilled since it’s a rarity to have this type of courtship, this would really mean that he was earnest since he was not afraid to ask permission from my mother first and he must be a gentleman too! I agreed but did not tell him my exact address yet (Thank God for women's instinct!).
After a few days, a lot has been said (go back up this blog), I was no longer confident that I want Jon to know my address, so I told him that I wanted to go back to my original plan and meet him at McDonald’s. He agreed. I set the time at 1:30 PM and he commented that I should wait for him.
Me: Why? Will you be late?
Him: Yes of course since, I have to wait for a cab.
🤯EXCUSE ME? LATE FOR THE FIRST DATE?!
Me: If I made plans with anyone at 1:30 PM I would be there at 1:30 PM. Heck, I’ll even be earlier if it’s a date. Don’t tell me you are planning to leave home at exactly 1:30 PM? If that’s how you treat your dates, then forget about it.
I always give concessions to anyone who is late, but to blatantly say you’ll be late because of an unreasonable excuse is stretching my patience too far.
It spells out you’re not too important for them to come on time.
If someone acts this way in simple or little things what more with bigger commitments?
He agreed to meet me on time, but didn’t even apologize. I told him that he just lost a brownie point.
Pesky Cow
After that chat fiasco I decided not to message him anymore, but did he get the hint? NOPE!
Him: I think you’re angry with me.
You think?
Him: I didn’t know you easily get angry.
Um, you would be too if someone would say they will be late on your FIRST DATE and don’t even feel the need to say sorry!
Him: Okay, okay, I’m sorry if I made you angry. I didn’t know you would throw a tantrum with this small thing.
🤯 Wow, now he is sorry. Now he figured out what and a**hat he is, but then I think his brain leaked through his ears when he said about me having a tantrum. And oh, my dear readers, this didn’t stop there.
Him: Just be careful when you go abroad (what’s with him and going abroad?) and I’m sorry if I made you mad. Thank you for your time. I don’t want to have enemies so can you block in Facebook? The important thing is I was honest with you. I didn’t want to keep secrets with you. Even if we can’t meet in person at least I cared for you. I’m sorry for disturbing you. (I just summarized his chats and texts, but he sent me around 20-ish messages within the span of 12 hours of me not replying to him.)
Sigh… I caved in and yes, I felt sorry and guilty. So, I lied and told him that I didn’t have an internet connection.
Me: Wow, I think you’re over thinking things. This is what you do when someone doesn’t reply to you fast enough? I’m honestly starting to fear you. I’m not always online.
Him: I thought you were angry with me.
DUH 🤦
Him: Don’t be afraid of me. I’m serious about you. I’m really sorry.
I thought maybe he learned his lessons, but alas... He began chatting and texting (I regret giving my number to him 1000%) non-stop with no substance on his messages. He keeps bringing up the abroad thing (seriously?!). I think he felt that I wasn’t showing interest in him anymore. It came to a point that I told my cousin that I had enough.
This was our last conversation:
(I think I was allergic to the pollen from our mango tree.)
Me: I’m not feeling well, I think I have an allergy or something, I have very a runny nose.
Him: Maybe that’s because of the dust. Just be absent tomorrow if you don’t feel well.
Me: I’ll be okay. I’ve already taken medicine and I’ll just sleep this off. Good night.
Him: Okay, sleep now. I love you.
😴- Me honestly dozing off
Ding! Him: You easily get sick.
Ding! Him: I think you’re not used to being stress. You’re very fragile.
Ding! Him: Sleep now.
How can I sleep when you keep on chatting? Yes, I ignored that “I love you” part.
Me: Yeah, stop chatting me then. Ehehehe (the make-it-as-a-joke technique, so you wouldn’t offend but secretly want to offend someone). I’m listening to calming music so I can sleep faster.
Yes, he keeps on chatting even though I told him not to.
Ding! Him: I really don’t know but I feel happy chatting with you. I don’t know why I’m so serious with you.
Ding! Him: My arms hurt.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
It goes on and on, and on, and on- Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
I waited until midnight and block him on social media and his number.
Conclusion:
The next day I told my cousin that I felt guilty leaving him high and dry. I should have left him some sort of message like “I’m sorry, but I’m no longer interested in you” or something like that. I don't want to ghost someone. She told me not to worry about him since he was such an egotistical douche bag. I never thought I met someone like Jon.
My cousin thought that I may have made Jon believe that I was really, REALLY into him that’s why he acts like high and mighty after a few days of talking. I reread my messages to him, and I didn’t think so. Maybe he misinterpreted my harmless banter to me swooning at him? Who knows, I’m just glad I dodge a bullet there.
End of Project 1.
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